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Take the Blind Out of Dating

Dating is often a blind alley and you don't know who is on the other end of it. It has always been fraught with the perils of  pretensions, outright lies, half-truths, and manipulations. It has also been some of the most exhilirating experiences one can have. And everything in between.

When I began dating again after my divorce, it was a different scene from the one I had left some thirty years earlier. But as a face reader, it helped me thread my way through the maze of marginal matches and outright disasters. I highly recommend having some kind of preliminary assessments to understand where the pitfalls will be and how you can deal with them, or perhaps decide to avoid them.

One woman told me she dated a man for three years, thought she knew him and found out shortly after the honeymoon was over that she had essentially married a stranger. The marriage lasted less than a year. As I read his face to her from a photo, she could see the reasons it has been so disastrous.

You can never truly know another's heart when they don't reveal any more than they want you to know. However, you can know a lot about the probable compatibility factors when you have your faces read by a competent face reader. This process accurately describes the differences and similarities and highlights where the relationship is likely to run up against real challenges.

One couple sat down with me for a dual reading at a party, and I have never seen two people with less in common! Opposites do attract.

After I read them, he took his wife's delicate hand in his large, strong one and asked me what I thought their chances were. "We just got married last month," he told me proudly. 

"You really want to know?" I quipped. He assured me they did.

The kind of situation I saw there happens altogether too often. Especially with traditionally oriented people. The mighty patriarch/hero with the duty to care for and protect the delicate child-like bride. It could very well be exactly what they always (separately) fantasized about. The reality could be stressful to both.

This guy was a dominant personality, with an aggressive drive and an insensitive nature. She was a hot house flower who looked like she could wilt in a mild summer breeze. 

"It will be a challenge," I told them. "There are some things you will both need to understand and allow for in order to make it work. First and foremost you have to appreciate who the other is, and not try to change each other, but accomodate the differences which are huge."

Essentially I pointed out that he is not sensitive to the environment, likes to live bigger than life: talks loud, bangs around, is blunt, likes to be outdoors in all weather, prefers his food spicy, his colors primary. He likes to bend rules and make up his own.

She is oriented to fine quality, nuances, soft music, pastel colors, and going by the rules. She speaks softly, doesn't function well in a messy environment, or an extreme one. In fact, she is easily overwhelmed by loud noise, bright colors, cold, heat and strong odors. She is perfectionistic, reserved, fashion and beauty oriented. (Fact is, she says little, smiles mysteriously, and overwhelms him with her presence. I suspect I know who will run the show from behind the throne, and it won't be him.)

To help soften the blatant chasm of differences between them, I suggested he take his guy-friends along for the roughing-it-outdoors events, and let her stay in town where she can do things with her friends and family that are less stressful to her sensibilities. And turn down the volume around her. Take her to the symphony and art galleries. Her vacations need to be in five-star hotels with all the amenities. Forget camping. (She's nodding and smiling at this point.) 

I suggested she would need to allow for his innate noisiness, bold approaches and needs for lots of stimulation, such as cranking up the music, riding on Harleys getting off on the roar of a massive waterfall up close. She would be a good supporter to his adventures from the moderate environment of a well-appointed lodge. Give her time to process and warm up to his amorous feelings for the best results.

She smiled, leaned into his shoulder and said softly, "Listen well, Honey. She's right."

He turned to her with an adoring smile as they left. I suspect he will give it a really good attempt and she knows he is no drawingroom elitist. How long they can truly appreciate the vast differences and willingly accomodate them is anybody's guess.

So what was I basing my prognostication on? The opposite traits I saw, especially the following:

             Skin and hair texture differences: one coarse the other really fine.

             Width between the eyes: one close-set, the other wide-set.

             Size of irises: one with large irises, the other with small ones.

             Ear height: one with extremely low-set ears, the other extremely high-set ears.

             Forehead angle: one with a vertical forehead, the other angled sharply back

The combinations of these opposite-end traits can lead to stressful confrontations, crossed communications and difficulty coming to any true understanding of the basic approach the partner takes. It's nearly impossible for each to "walk in the other's shoes." They simply don't fit.

Too many differences and they either have to come to a place of peace with it, or it can be a gap too wide to bridge finally.

The differences can be the spice of life or the bane of one's existence. And the odd fact is, it is often those same differences that first intrigue a partner that will later become the very issues that are hardest to live with. It's always good to be forearmed with the facts. Get your faces read before you tie the knot. In fact, it helps to get clarity about the possible partner upfront and assess the relationship potential before investing yourself! 

Don't walk into it blind. In this day and age, it's unnecessary.