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Opposites Attract

So many times I will see opposite key traits on couples and know immediately one of the major frustrations they have with each other. 

For example, eye spacing is a key trait, an indicator of the timing of a person's responses. 

How to gauge it?

Close-set have less than an eye's width between their eyes. In other words, you couldn't put a third eye the same length as their eyes, between them. It would't fit. Wide-set are clearly more than an eye's width apart.

Close-set eyes are hard-wired to do everything as soon as possible and can't relax until everything on their list is done. And they try to pack 27 hours worth of doing into a 24 hour period. Then they want to go do something fun. They are not into wasting their time just shooting the breeze or hanging out.

Wide-set eyes are laid back, easy going people who tend to put things off until the last minute and may not start soon enough to do their best. And when it is done, they may put off deciding whether to go somewhere or veg out on the couch all evening.

Close-set eyes have low tolerance for things they don't like. They will tell you immediately and move on. Depending on other traits, they could be very diplomatic or very blunt about it. But you do know where you stand.

Wide-set eyes have high tolerance for things they don't like and won't  say anything until they have reached the breaking point Then they often blow up and may even end a relationship. Long fuse, big bang. And you never saw it coming.

Helpful little factoids to have in your how-to-get-along book.


So why do opposites attract? 

We are often drawn to those characteristics we lack and would like to gain in our personality. What we don't realize is that having to deal with the censure and frustration of the opposite approach is hard on the blood pressure and the relationship. But it's all a part of getting a good sense of what their approach is, how the person thinks and operates, and what the benefits could be to you.

If we are paying attention.

Most often, we're not.

Best practice -- decide to build an appreciation of that opposite approach and use it to help balance the worst of your own characteristic leanings. At the very least, learn to let your partner be who he/she is and find ways to handle the situations and your feelings.After all, there is no right or wrong to who people naturally are. They are not doing it to try to make you crazy.   Well . . . . not usually.

Although, if either partner has any tendency toward passive-aggressive, it could play into a winner-loses-all game of "getting even."

And you already know that's no way to build a long-term, loving relationship.